Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
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