ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
this hospital has no fireball
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
