ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
