i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
