so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
