i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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