If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
