did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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