You're so nebulous sometimes
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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