I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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