Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
