When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
