Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
