Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
