I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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