I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
