i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
