Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
