mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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