Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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