All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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