I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
