Three words: puerto rican gang bang
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
