Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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