i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
