dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
