Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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