He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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