I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
