3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
