I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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