I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
