Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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