sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
