My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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