I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
