I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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