So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
