"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Couch. On fire.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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