Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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