The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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