My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
