Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the condom got lost in my hair
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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