I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
