JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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