My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
