She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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