i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
