oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Sponge bath it is.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
