I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
