Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
