Who wears a wallet chain?!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just pee around me
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
