So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
