i think my mom watched the whole time
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
