i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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