so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
