I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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