do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
