ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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