I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
