If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
