I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
