Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
