Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
