Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
time to smoke my breakfast
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
