DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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