sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
