I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
