i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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