Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
