When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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